Getting Past Your Past With EMDR

April 24, 2017

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
As I've discussed before, trauma can have a devastating effect on the mind and body. EMDR is one of the most widely used and successful treatments for addressing this kind of impact.

However, you do not have to undergo an overtly distressing event for it to affect you. An accumulation of smaller “everyday” or less pronounced events can still be traumatic: conflict in relationships, an emotionally distant parent or partner, racial / sexual discrimination. EMDR can help you overcome experiences like these, which may lead to persistent negative beliefs such as, "I don't belong," "I have to be perfect," or "I'm worthless."

EMDR is related to the process that happens when we dream, known as REM sleep. Learn more about how we activate this bilateral stimulation in the brain.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

January 08, 2017

Have you wondered where your internalized message of "I'm not good enough," comes from? Do you feel you give life your best, work hard, try hard, but still can't give yourself credit? Are you constantly beating yourself up and thinking that somehow you should be more, do more, be better, and you don't measure up in your own mind?

The Body Keeps the Score : Recovering from Trauma

December 20, 2016

When a person experiences traumatic events, the aftermath can be extremely debilitating. Trauma not only affects the mind, but can have lifelong effects on the body. For survivors, their bodies feel deeply unsafe, so the enemy that was once living outside is now living within. So they need to befriend their bodies, safely go inside and experience themselves. There is too much emphasis on the capacity of the cognitive rational brain to conquer our irrational survival brain. You can't rely on reason, you need rely on mastery of your body, safety of your body, finding peace in your body. You need to find some way where your body once again feels like "I am in control of myself."

Our Internalized Loyal Soldier

July 01, 2015

"Each of us has a 'loyal soldier' sub-personality, a courageous, creative, and stubborn entity formed to help us survive the realities of childhood.

The loyal soldier attempted to minimize the occurrence of injury by making us small or invisible and suppressing much of our natural exuberance, emotions, and desires so that we might be sufficiently acceptable to our parents, siblings, teachers, and peers.

Common loyal soldier survival strategies include:

- Harsh self-criticism to make us feel small and unworthy and thus keep us from doing anything too wild that might elicit further punishment, abandonment, or criticism

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- Placing our personal agenda last so as to not displease or arouse anger or envy

- Other co-dependent behaviors, such as care-taking, rescuing, or enabling to stave off abandonment

- Restricting our range of feeling by encouraging us to always be in control, busy, and/or numb

- Suppressing our intelligence, talent, enthusiasm, sensuality, and wildness

The loyal soldier believes that it is better to be suppressed or inauthentic or small than socially isolated or emotionally crushed.

The loyal soldier did in fact keep us safe in childhood. The problem is these strategies become ingrained in our functioning, even after the threats are over. And not only are they no longer helping us, they become an obstacle to growth."

In what ways does your loyal soldier show up?

- By choosing social acceptance over authenticity?

- By avoiding conflict or fear of upsetting/disappointing people?

- By going along with the crowd because it’s easier or because you don't know what you truly want?

- By avoiding unnecessary risks?

- By suppressing your hurt or anger?

- By suppressing your natural gifts because you don't want to stand out?

When you notice yourself enacting any of these strategies, try thanking your loyal soldier for protecting you during the war, and remind her that the war is over.

Tell her what you’ll do in place of the old strategies, and remind yourself of the new resources available to handle any new crises that might arise along the way.

It's time to retire your loyal soldier!

- Bill Plotkin