January: Begin Anew

GRATITUDE, MONTH BY MONTH

Every month we'll be offering a theme that explores universal, cross-cultural, and perennial wisdoms related to the cultivation of gratitude. These tools, reflections, and practices are from Angeles Arrien's book, "Living in Gratitude" and can be a resource guide, available to you at any time. ⁣ ⁣ Gratitude is a disposition, it’s a choice we make. More than any other resolution or goal, it will improve the quality of our mental health, self-esteem, and relationships. ⁣ ⁣ Please follow along this year as together we all deepen our experience of gratitude and its related qualities - thankfulness, appreciation, compassion, and generosity. 🧡 Thank you for being here. ⁣

JANUARY IS THE MONTH OF NEW RESOLVE AND NEW BEGINNINGS.

Photo by Norman Parkinson

It is named for the Roman god Janus, the two-headed god whose one head faces the past while the other faces the present & future. ⁣ ⁣ January offers the opportunity to make a fresh start and do things differently, to free ourselves from habitual patterns, to improve our life internally and externally.⁣ ⁣

PRACTICE ONE

START RECOGNIZING IN YOUR LIFE THE FOUR UNIVERSAL ENTRYWAYS TO GRATITUDE:

1. BLESSINGS- Blessings are those experiences we hold as “the good” in our lives. They are gifts that open doors to healing, connection, meaning, and transformation. Giving gratitude for our blessings is a way to recognize and honor them. ⁣ ⁣

⁣ 2. LEARNINGS - We do not grow without learning. These challenges help us stretch, reexamine, explore, take risks, and rise to new levels. It is from our learnings that we are able to understand what is meaningful for us. In hindsight, our challenges or learnings are often blessings in disguise. ⁣ ⁣

⁣ 3. MERCIES - Mercy alleviates distress through acts of forgiveness and kindness. Merciful acts generate thankfulness, both in those who have initiated them and those who have benefited from them. When we behave with compassion and mercy, we are more able to forgive ourselves for the harm we have caused and forgive those who have harmed us. A true gift. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣

4. PROTECTIONS - Every culture has practices, prayers, and rituals to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe from harm, injury, or attack. The act of giving or receiving protection is a gift of love. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Which one(s) of these have you experienced this week? Can you feel grateful for the small and large examples you’re noticing? ⁣

PRACTICE TWO ENTERING THE YEAR WITH CHILDLIKE CURIOSITY ⁣ Sufi tale by al-Ghazzali⁣ ⁣ “Children have five qualities and if adults had these same qualities, they would attain the rank of saints. ⁣ ⁣

1. They do not worry about their daily bread.⁣ ⁣

2. When they fall sick, they do not complain night and day about their misfortune. ⁣

3. Whatever food they have, they share. ⁣ ⁣

4. When they fight or quarrel, they do not keep grudges in their hearts, but make up quickly. ⁣ ⁣

5. The slightest threat makes them frightened and brings tears to their eyes.” ⁣ ⁣

In what ways are you manifesting these five simple qualities of childlike openness?

What childlike curiosity and wonder are you currently bringing to your work, relationships, health, personal growth? ⁣

Why We Get Sick

One of the most frequent issues I hear from clients is about their Chronic Need for Approval. ⁣

Us too! While writing about our personal struggles for the bios on our website *every single one* of us therapists chose some version of, "High expectations of myself," "Saying no," "Forgiving my shortcomings," "Disappointing people." ⁣

Why do we all need this approval so desperately? I'd say it's something about fear of abandonment, needing to be accepted by the pack so we're not excluded and cast away.⁣

Photo by Deborah Feingold

And what effects is this having on our culture? On us individually? ⁣

Last week, I devoured Dr. Gabor Maté's book, "When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress - Disease Connection." ⁣

⁣Maté writes beautifully on the mind - body connection in health and adds a new layer I hadn't fully recognized: ⁣

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★ The role of emotional suppression in the formation and development of illness. ★

"Many people unwittingly spend their entire lives as if under the gaze of a powerful and judgmental examiner whom they must please at all costs. Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honor our deepest needs. Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory... ⁣⁣

⁣⁣When we have been prevented from saying no, our bodies may end up saying it for us." - Dr. Gabor Maté⁣⁣

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After decades of work as a family practice doctor and hundreds of interviews for this book, Maté identified several personality characteristics / types common in patients struggling with Cancer, Autoimmune Disorders, Irritable Bowel Disorders, Heart Disease, MS, and more:⁣⁣

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- Chronic need for approval⁣⁣

- Habitual denial, suppression, or repression of fear, sadness, anger⁣⁣

- Compulsive sense of duty to others⁣⁣

- Inability to say no⁣⁣

- Inability to express emotion⁣⁣

- Self-imposed need to conform to society's expectations⁣⁣

- Discomfort asking for or receiving help ⁣⁣

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In making the link between repressed emotions and the development of disease, Dr. Gabor Maté invites people to look at their relationships:⁣⁣⁣

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- How much of your partner's stress do you take on?⁣⁣⁣

- How much of a people pleaser are you?⁣⁣⁣

- How nice are you to people no matter how you feel?⁣⁣⁣

- How much do you take on the problems of other people & ignore your own? ⁣⁣⁣

- How well do you know yourself? ⁣⁣⁣

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He also suggests abandoning so-called "Positive Thinking." ⁣⁣⁣

This "Compulsive Optimism" often excludes those parts of our reality that strike us as "negative." However, it is important to include ALL of our reality. We must develop the confidence that we can trust ourselves to face the full truth, whatever that full truth may turn out to be. ⁣⁣⁣

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What, if anything, is this illness saying about the past & present? What is not working? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to? ⁣⁣⁣

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Of course, personality does not by itself cause disease; one does not get cancer simply from repressing anger or ALS from being too nice. A biopsychosocial model recognizes that many processes and factors work together in the formation of disease and in the creation of health. ⁣⁣⁣

Do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptors? Might they be connected to your physical health?⁣⁣

The Four Corners of Eroticism

Sexual attraction is one of life’s greatest mysteries. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Why are we attracted to unavailable people? How to link love with lust? What place do our fantasies have in the bedroom? What ARE our fantasies?⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ In “The Erotic Mind,” psychologist Jack Morin presents an explanation he calls The Erotic Equation: ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣

ATTRACTION + OBSTACLES = EXCITEMENT⁣⁣

What kinds of obstacles? Morin identifies four major themes, known as "The Four Corners of Eroticism:"⁣ ⁣ - Longing & Anticipation⁣ - Violating Prohibitions⁣ - Searching for Power⁣ - Overcoming Ambivalence⁣ ⁣ While we each have our own individual histories, all of us participate in the same realities of human existence. Morin suggests these are the four existential sources of arousal that transcend personal narrative. ⁣

The Four Corners of Eroticism play key roles in developing our erotic blueprints. ⁣ ⁣

☞ Which ones play a part in your most compelling sexual events? ⁣ ⁣

Instruction: Think back over all your sexual encounters with other people. Allow your mind to focus on two specific encounters that were among the most arousing of your entire life. What are your ideas about what made each of these encounters so exciting? ⁣

⁣ ☞ Can you uncover any of these themes in your earliest sexual memories? ⁣ ⁣

Instruction: Think back as far as your memory will take you, to the very first time you felt anything that seems even a little sexy or arousing. What do you remember about the circumstances surrounding this earliest experience of arousal?⁣ ⁣

For more descriptions of each, check out “The Erotic Mind” by Jack Morin or come in to talk with us about them!⁣

Your Unconscious

The unconscious is a marvelous universe of unseen energies, forces, and intelligence that lives within us. It is much larger than the conscious mind, much larger than most of us realize. Picture the conscious mind like a cork bobbing in the enormous ocean of the unconscious.

Art by @combophoto

The unconscious is the secret source of much of our thought, feeling and behavior and it is constantly influencing us. These hidden parts of ourselves have strong feelings that want to be expressed.

We generally act as if there is no unconscious, as if all the complexity of life can be explained by what is seen or known.

We can do the inner work and enter that realm with intention. Or, if we try to ignore our inner world, the unconscious will find its way into our lives through pathology: our psychosomatic symptoms, compulsions, depressions and neuroses.

From his book Inner Work, Robert Johnson writes, "All the forms of interaction with the unconscious that nourished our ancestors - dream, vision, ritual, religious experience - are largely lost to us, dismissed as primitive or superstitious.

One of the tragedies of the modern world is the splitting off of the conscious mind from its unconscious roots. Our isolation from the unconscious mirrors our isolation from our souls, from our spirit. If we don’t go to the spirit, the spirit will come to us as neurosis.

This is the immediate, practical connection between psychology & spirituality in our time."

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At Flow, we’re interested in more than your conscious mind. How about your unconscious! Let’s see what’s going on in there and how it’s affecting your moods and behaviors. ⁣

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EMDR, one of our favorite therapies, relaxes your conscious brain via gentle handheld buzzers, allowing everyday thinking to quiet and a deeper, free association of memories and insights to emerge. ⁣

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In Intuitive Hypnotherapy, you are part of the process as you & your therapist follow images that come to you in a dream-like exploration. ⁣

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Somatic Therapy helps your body let go of the pain, disappointment, and trauma that has been stored for too long, opening up new levels of health and clarity in your life. ⁣

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Meditation gives you space from your incessant brain, drops you to a more pure version of yourself, and connects you to more expansive energies (like how you feel when you’re in nature). ⁣

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Are you curious about your unconscious? Want to explore it safely with a trained and experienced guide? Call today to get connected!⁣

Don’t Tell Me to Breathe

I squirm when yoga teachers instruct me to breathe. Holding my breath quickly becomes uncomfortable and how the hell do you "breathe into your back?" ⁣

Art by Louise Bonnet

⁣But I figured out a hack! For me, deep breathing actually requires a counter-intuitive motion, one that at first feels unnatural, but quickly becomes very soothing and powerful. ⁣

⁣I'm always looking for free & available tools so that we can all have more sovereignty and self-reliance - so that we can turn to ourselves as our greatest & most effective place of healing. ⁣

⁣The best thing about your breath is that you have access to it 24 hours a day, wherever you go. It may be your greatest untapped resource. ⁣

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The Hack for Deep Breathing:⁣

INHALING. ⁣

Instead of breathing in on the inhale and sucking air into your chest, try extending / expanding your stomach on the inhale. ⁣

⁣So you purposefully push out your belly, make it nice & full & round when you inhale. It feels different because you're bringing in air into your mouth or nose, while at the same time actively pushing your belly out. Put your hands on your stomach and feel it fill up. ⁣

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EXHALING. ⁣

On the exhale is when you pull / suck your belly in. So, up top - through mouth & nose - you're letting the air out, while down below in your stomach you're pulling your guts & ribs in. ⁣

⁣Exaggerate these movements while you're getting the hang of it and leave your hands on your stomach to feel the pushing out on the inhale and the pulling in on the exhale. ⁣

What do you think? Do you feel your breath traveling deeper than it normally does?⁣

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Using Your Breath to Hone Your Intuition:⁣

⁣Looking for insight on a big decision or trying to figure out how you feel about something in your life? Put your hands on your belly, feel it swelling out & pulling in as you breathe, and close your eyes. ⁣

You can ask a specific question or more broadly, "What is in my highest good to know or see in this situation?" ⁣

Be open to subtle signs - could be a sensation in your body that you may be able to interpret, an image or memory, a soft whisper, or a sense of knowing. ⁣

If you get nothing, just feel the sense of calm & peace in your body. Your intuition communicates in alchemical ways and isn't always literal.

Happy Hunting!